Election Day is soon, and it has been reported in the media that this election may be one of the most important in recent history. With the balance between Republicans and Democrats teetering from one side to the other, the outcome of November 5th’s events will very well shape the direction of our policies over the coming years. Thus, politicians and other interest groups are spending millions getting their messages out, and we are constantly being smacked over the head with the You-Better-Vote hammer.
It seems, however, that all these millions are being spent for naught. The “official projection” indicates that Election Day 2002 may bring with it the worst voter turnout since 1942 when the War made voting practically unnecessary. But the American people are like perennial teenagers. Telling them how important the election is isn’t going to make them vote. It’s going to make them not vote.
The solution: make voting as close to underage drinking as possible. Make it illegal and extremely alluring. Make it what The Man doesn’t want you to do, yet what all the cool kids are doing. Man, everyone will vote then. They’ll vote until they puke. Except for all those crazy religious types. You know, the ones who don’t drink. They won’t vote.
And everyone will win. Well, the Democrats anyway.