Alright, I’m about to ask a potentially stupid question and it should be noted that I am filled with the standard amount of trepidation, intimidation and perspiration that such a situation creates. In short, I am scared and wet. It’s just not a situation that you have to face when you’re past elementary school. I’m reminded of my time of ignorance when there was no connection between the written and spoken forms of the word “annihilate.” Finally there was a rough intervention during a game of dodgeball when my friend explained to me that no, the other team had not been “ann-eh-hill-ated.”
It doesn’t make it any easier that everyone says that there are no stupid questions. That puts me on the potential verge of asking the first ever really stupid question, thus creating a rip in the space-time continuum. Time could split from this moment in history and we could all end up in a world where Biff has used the Sports Almanac to become fabulously wealthy and he’s married our now big-boobed mother. Yeah, I know. I don’t want a collective mother either. But that’s what’s on the line.
Is the antenna on a cell phone really doing anything?
Whoah, it’s out. Well, the world seems to be operating normally still. Did you notice how I just snuck the question out there without a “Well, here goes.” or a “Here it is, the question that could destroy the universe.?” In case you couldn’t tell by the extraordinary number of homemade potholders in my apartment, I’m crafty. I snuck it past when you weren’t expecting it.
Now don’t think for a minute that I’m proposing a rebellion or anything here. I’ll still pull out the three inches of antenna on my cell every time I make or receive a call. Heck, I’ll do it even with two arms full of groceries. Unless of course my suspicions are correct and that there’s no way that my cell phone antenna is really making that big of a difference.
Well, it looks like a false alarm, maybe my question wasn’t that stupid at all. I’ll just walk into my kitchen and. wait it appears that an African-American family now inhabits my home and the protective father seems prepared to swing a baseball bat very poorly at me, breaking most everything but me. Does anyone have any space-time needle and thread?