For centuries man has gauged how difficult things are to do by whether or not they are as difficult as finding a needle in a haystack. Even before there were needles or haystacks, groups of old men would crowd together in taverns and inns and decide how difficult things were, based on this antiquated scale. They ended up running in circles trying to decide how difficult it would be to actually invent the haystack, and simultaneously playing a game of Dizzy Bat.
But just like usual, technology has had to come along and smack it in the face of convention, because let’s face it kids, finding a needle in a haystack…not that frickin’ tough. I present exhibit A, the metal detector. Yeah, that’s right, needles ain’t made of bone anymore, although if they were, that’d be so creepy no one would be digging in a cup of Jello for them, let alone a haystack. Exhibit B, big ass magnets. Hay won’t stick to a magnet, but a needle will, and if you lose a needle, all that stands between you and its pointy goodness is a crane, a giant hole in the roof of your barn and a 4,000 pound magnet…just like mom used to do. Exhibit C, needle-finding rodent/spider mutants. I’m working on this last one.
So pitch away the ol’ “need in the haystack” expression. It’s old hat. It’s time to embrace new scales, like, “That’s about as hard as stapling your face to a subway car,” or “…as getting that cool poster of Richard Nixon bowling from the Big Lebowski,” or “…as trying to convince your deaf friend to go to the spelling bee with you.” It’s a new generation kids, let’s get these sayings up-to-date.