For a few years now, Busta Rhymes has been trying to break out of my TV set and enter my living room. These attempts usually occurred when I would be watching MTV and one of his music videos would be on. Once every five seconds or so he would lunge towards my living room with his face, trying in vain to break down the fourth wall and enter my home. I would sit and wonder, “Why does Busta Rhymes want to come into my living room? He seems to be having a pretty good time where he is, what with the scantily clad women surrounding him and the brightly colored, over-sized clothes that he gets to wear.” For a while I thought I was special, but then I was over at my friend’s house and Busta Rhymes was trying to headbutt his way through my friend’s television set as well.
I decided to try and help Busta with his quest. First I broke the screen of my TV with a hammer when his video came on, but that just made Mr. Rhymes disappear. After that I tried massaging various oils into my TV to soften the surface but that just made Busta look really blurry. Unfortunately I came to realize that there was nothing I could do. This was Busta’s journey and to make it through he would have to employ only the most violent and frenetic of movements accompanied by the dopest of beats.
On Friday, November 30, Busta Rhymes finally made it through. It was pretty amazing, and it looked a lot like the way it has been visually represented in various bad movies where somebody gets sucked into the TV, but it was the other way around. Basically it involved Busta diving headfirst out of my TV set and onto my living room floor. This resulted in a face plant that knocked poor Busta unconscious.
I poked Busta. I prodded Busta. I nudged Busta with my toe.
After about twenty minutes I got bored of trying to wake poor Mr. Rhymes and I left to go play minigolf. I left him the following note.
Dear Busta,
Congratulations on finally forcing your head through my TV screen. Next time I would recommend going feet first. I thought it was cool when you were in Finding Forrester even though you weren’t that good at acting.
Sincerely,
Bret
When I returned he was gone, and I began writing this Thought. If you’re ever watching MTV and Busta comes on, put a pillow down for him. I bet he’d appreciate that.