Hey. Pssst. Yeah, you, reading. I have this mind-blowing theorem, but I really shouldn’t let it out. It’s kind of controversial. It could turn the world upside-down. Or at least like one hundred and twenty degrees. But I’m just going to tell you, and you have to tell everyone else. I figure, you’ll probably carry a bit more legitimacy than I will, since this is a subject I have no business discussing.
Ok, I’ll tell you now. Wait! Before I tell you, promise when you tell other people that you won’t start out with “Some moron told me this,” or “Get a load of this crap I heard.” Also, also, don’t take credit for the whole thing yourself. Obviously you’re a big part of getting this thing out, but let’s make this an 85-15 split. Ok, 60-40? Cool. That’s 60-40 my advantage. Still cool? Right on.
Ok, partner, here’s this great wisdom I stumbled upon one day. Actually, this is a great story. It’s important to the very idea of what I’m going to tell you. So I was eating a chalupa from Taco Bell, and some of the cheese fell out onto my napkin. No big deal, but it looked like the Superman logo. That got me thinking of Julius Caesar. Seriously, that makes sense. First, the lettuce gets me thinking of salads, and hence, Caesar salads. But maybe more obviously I get to Caesar through the editor of the Daily Planet who always said “Great Caesar’s Ghost” when stuff went down. So where was I? Oh yeah, from Caesar I started thinking of Roman mythology and the king of all the gods, Jupiter. Then I was like “I wonder how the Romans got ‘Jupiter’ from ‘Zeus’.” Then I dropped hot sauce on my crotch. I started shouting “Jesus!” But since I was in Taco Bell it sounded like “Hey, Zeus!” So if you tell people that with my theorem it’ll help them to really grasp its significance.
Oh shit! That’s right, I haven’t told it to you yet. Ok, so I mostly gave it away, but here it is. Remember all that stuff we talked about before. Ok, here goes. So if you say Jesus in Spanish, it’s like saying Hey, Zeus. That’s it? That’s it? What do you mean “That’s it’? Yeah, That’s it! Maybe they have common origins or something, I don’t know. The important part is, though, that Zeus and Jesus are linked! Linked! Tell the world! Become the Johnny Wisdomseed of my idea! Wait! Wait. Maybe just tell a few people at first. See how they react. Then tell more. Then go all Johnny Wisdomseed on them.