The sequel to Signs That You Have the Flu….
- After two weeks you’re just happy that your vomit is no longer a projectile.
- You’re considering medical options that have items including but not limited to, nodes.
- You think that by mixing Dayquil and Nyquil you will suddenly gain the power operate heavy machinery.
- You think things like, “Hey, I’ve never flown under my own power before, but have I ever really tried?”
- You march in circles around your bedroom fighting “cooties” with Febreeze and a butter knife.
- You get drunk, puke and pass out after accidentally swallowing a bit of mouthwash.
- You perform at-home self-accupuncture with toothpicks and rolled up bits of tin foil while lying on your coffee table.
- You cry for days after Rubber Ducky is defeated by Bar of Soap Guy in an epic 4 day bathtub civil war.
- You take regular strength Tylenol to pass the time in between doses of maximum strength and sessions of free basing Advil.
- You’re convinced that “rinsing and repeating” is no longer an option but a spiritual obligation to your inner child in honor of the hair he’ll never grow.
- You’ve lost your ability to distinguish between daytime dramas and late night talk shows.
- You call your mother to proudly boast when you have “made pee pees and poo poos.”
- Snoop Dog and Tatoo from Fantasy Island are the only ones who makes sense anymore.
- You’re pretty sure that if you fashion a catheter out of linguini, you won’t have to miss any more infomercials.
- You think Godfather III was worth the time you spent watching it.