Men’s fitness magazine recently voted Houston, Texas the fattest city in America for the third year in a row. That’s my hometown they’re calling fat! Why don’t they mind their own business! It’s gonna be that much harder for Houston to get a date now. Why don’t they ever mention Philadelphia’s lazy eye, Birmingham’s clubfoot or Portland’s unibrow? But, noooo, everyone is only concerned with weight. Gainesville was recently on the cover of Vogue and she was so thin it was frightening. In her last cover she was just a normal city, and for a city to lose that much weight in such a short time is dangerous for health reasons to say nothing of the census implications.
Houston has been doing its best to improve. It’s been opening many more vegetarian restaurants and smoothie shops, but some people just like their Texas Bar-B-Q, which hasn’t helped Houston’s weight, especially in those hard to exercise suburb regions. At least Houston knows who it is on the inside. Sure, Houston might be able to trim some fat through diet and exercise, but it’s always gonna be at least hefty. Can’t we judge each city for its cultural diversity, family friendly communities and ample job opportunities?
Fine, just do whatever you want! Houston is the fattest city in the US. Did anyone even bother to check the scale Men’s Fitness used to reach their “objective” conclusion? Houston probably had things in its pockets – like Hobby Airport. Maybe Houston had to carbo-pack for a marathon the next day. We just don’t know. I choose to give Houston the benefit of the doubt. I choose not to be shallow. I’m going to go meet Houston at Krispy Kreme; every city needs comfort food.