If you’re like me–stupid, that is–then you probably hate being so damn stupid. Unless, of course, you’re so dumb that you don’t realize you’re stupid and are content living a life of stupid stupidness. [Editor’s Note: the word "stupid" begins to look a bit silly after you see it a couple times, doesn’t it? Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. Stupid. Heh, that’s just weird….heh heh…..ah. …… Anyway, sorry, yes, ah, on with the, uh, the Thought.]
Anyway, I’ve decided to do something about my stupidity; I’ve decided to make a change. No longer will my conversations be like this:
"Hey Nupe, do you know anything about the battle of Waterloo, or perhaps Napoleon’s final days of exile on the Isle of Alba? I’m doing a report for my history class.
"Uh… Du-huh… Ain’t that that thar three colored ice-cream? I never done eaten the strawberry, but I loves me the chocolate and the varnilly."
"What are you talking about? And why are you talking with that strange accent?"
"Uh… Du-huh…" (scamper away)
I’ve decided to the join the legions of very stupid people who pretend they’re not stupid and do a pretty good job of convincing people that they know what they’re talking about. Consultants–the people I work with–are very good at this. Here is an example of a conversation I heard on Friday between a partner and a junior consultant:
"Mr. Partner, sir. May I stop brown-nosing for a moment and ask you a question?"
"Shoot, buddy/pal."
"I was wondering if I could have your sage and wondiferous advice on a topic that I pretend to find very interesting, no matter how dull and tedious it is in actuality."
"Yeah, go ahead chief."
"How do think the profitability of the technology sector is going to change with so many new players entering a once proprietary market?"
"Well. I think that’s a great question, and I appreciate you bringing it up. I believe that there a number of strong forces that are going to push the market up or down depending on whether or not the market is moving up or down. Now, in terms of profitability, I feel that there are forces that force the Force to be on one side or another, but how that plays out in the arenas of supply and demand is what will determine market economics. Although while I agree with myself on some points, I have to disagree as well considering what’s going on in Asia."
"What’s going on in Asia?"
"Uh… Duh-huh… Take this big bag of money."(Partner hands junior consultant a big a bag of money. Then he scampers away)
Hmmm. Now that I think about it, maybe the whole pretending to be smart isn’t so great after all. I mean, for one thing, I don’t have any big bags of money.
Maybe I’ll just be, like, gansta rappa stupid. You know like, "Man, that song is straight Stoopid!" That way if someone is like, "Damn Nupe, you’re stupid." I can be like, "Hey. Thanks. You’re Stoopid, too."
And no one will be the wiser.