I have a cell phone. Yep. I know it’s crazy, but it’s true.
You may think, “Scott, you’re so ahead of your time. How did you think to buy a phone that allows you to be in touch with anyone at anytime? Where’d you come up with such a crazy idea?”
And I’d say, “Dude, everyone’s got one. You’re lame. And I’m a conformist.”
Then, I would actually start to get around to the point of this Thought, which has to do with cell phone protocol.
Let’s imagine for a second that you’re out at a bar or at a party. You see someone you vaguely may have known at one point in your life but haven’t talked to or even thought about in at least six months. You literally have forgotten that this person even exists, but nonetheless there he/she is, so what’re you gonna do? Not talk to them?
The talking’s fine. You’re polite and civil, as you tend to be. At least I hope that’s how you tend to be ’cause otherwise you’re just a rude bastard, and that ain’t cool.
So, the conversation’s winding down, and then all of a sudden your hand is gripped by some invisible power. You reach into your pocket, take out your phone, and then in a voice that sounds like yours although you no longer appear to have control over your own vocal chords you say, “Hey, gimme your number. I’ll call you sometime, and we’ll do something.”
Vague enough. No commitment. Fine. But then you, or more accurately the cell phone demon that has possessed you, continue to talk, “I don’t think you understand. I’m definitely going to call. You take my number too. It will suck if we don’t hang out. We’ve got to. I mean, we’re such great friends and have so much in common. Think about it. We just talked for 5 minutes about nothing. Imagine what would happen if we actually had a topic to discuss. That would be incredible.”
So, you exchange numbers.
He/she walks away.
You punch yourself in the face.
A year later you delete the number without ever having called it.
The next week you see the person again.
Lather, rinse, repeat…