I have never bungee jumped.
I’d like to say it’s because I’m not an idiot, but truth be told, it’s just I can’t picture risking my life for something that sounds like a kiddie ride (“Tidy your rooms kids, and we’ll all go to Bungee Land!”, “Oh look, it’s Bungee the Clown!”). If you’re ever at a party, or in a bar, and you hear someone starting to get a little agitated, maybe speaking a little too loudly, something like “Well, it’s really scary! Well, it IS!” Now you know what it’s about. Bungee jumpers, like any of us really, do not like to be mocked. And while the sensitive side of me really does sympathize with their situation, the other side of me just laughs and laughs, cause really, bungee jumpers deserve everything they get and more, the smug bastards.
I do sometimes wonder if I’d still be alive if they’d named it something good, like “sky jumping,” or “death leaping.” Personally I think it should just be called “jumping.”
“No,” you say? “That really isn’t descriptive enough to tell one what the sport is about,” you protest? Well that’s the friggin’ point! (Sorry, I don’t use exclamation marks much, but sometimes I just get so mad.)
Do you think (you might want to read this in a condescending tone, because I’m explaining this to you like you’re a real moron now) it’s called breakdancing because you “break” something? I mean, you often do, but I don’t think the name was meant to acknowledge the fact. I suppose it might be something you do it on a break, like at lunch or something. I never thought of that. I really don’t know the way of the streets as much as I’d like to think I do.
Okay, so I’m a little more humble now, but I’d still like to make my point. (And sorry abut the “moron” thing.) It’s just, you see, with an ambiguous name like “jumping” then it would be one of those “inner-circle-knowledge” things. Example: you’re at a party (a different one). Someone asks what you do for fun. You say, “Well, mostly I like to jump, though it’s getting a lot harder to find the time these days.” Very nonchalant. The person you’re speaking to nods, and maybe replies with something like, “Oh yeah? I’ve thought about getting into that.” But meanwhile they’re really thinking, “Jump? I wonder what he means by that?” Then later, when they discover that it means you leap off of high places with a rubber band tied around your ankles they’d think, “What an idiot”.
BUT…they would also be thinking you were pret-ty cool.
Guest Columnist