Thomas Janseen, or "T.J.", Monkey was born to the family of Dutch immigrants living in the New York suburb of Brooklyn in 1908. His parents emigrated to the United States after growing tired of the amenities that came with a life of priveledge and wealth. His parents, Johannes Reijicks Janseen II and Fiep Strassa Janseen, sold all their belongings and assets, threw one last black tie gala at the Janseen Ampitheater and stowed away in the engine room of a luxury liner heading for New York City.
Upon their arrival in the New World, the Janseens moved into a small apartment in Brooklyn to “be with the local people.” Johannes got a job as the janitor of a drugstore and Fiep became the neighborhood seamstress, as well as doing laundry for most of the neighbors. A year went by and then in 1906 the Janseens brought home their own bundle of joy. They bought it at Sears-Roebuck for $6.95, retail. (Sears-Roebuck Bundle Of Joy: good for sitting, standing, entertaining, cooking, cleaning, and all you other happiness needs.) Two years later Thomas was born to little or no fanfare, but widespread critical acclaim.
Thomas was an incredibly bright young man, constantly at the top of his class in all the years of home schooling he received from his mother. He also worked part time, making deliveries and performing odd jobs and normal jobs at the drugstore where his father worked. He was loved by all and had a natural charisma that brought people together from all walks of life. He even started a model United Burroughs, in order to establish a dialogue between those living around New York, with the hopes of fostering peace.
Then at the age of 17, Thomas was to take a trip that would forever change his path to greatness. Through the sponsorship of philanthropist (and alleged part-time gangster) Dutch Schultz, Thomas was sent off to California to see the San Diego Zoo. While the Zoo was still in its infancy, or pre-production meetings, Thomas got the point. He had fallen in love with what would eventually be the wildlife on display in San Diego. Thomas was especially taken with the monkeys, their energy, grace, fierce nature, and remarkably decent table manners.
Thomas returned to Brooklyn with renewed fervor for life. He first dropped off a box to Dutch Schultz with the message, “Louis always said he’d lose his head if it weren’t attached to his body. It ain’t a problem no more, Dutch. Heh, heh, heh, heh.” Thomas forgot the fifth “heh” and barely escaped with his life. He then set about achieving his dream. He spent the better part of his life travelling around the world, meeting and greeting people from every class, race and creed. Every now and again he would stop at a zoo to see the monkeys and remind himself why he was doing it all.
“The basic nature of man is to congregate with others. This gregarious impulse provides a forum of ideas, comraderie, and the elusive notion that all peoples can work toward a common goal. I have travelled the world and found that in each man’s heart of hearts, there is a hand outstretched. We need only a place, free of persecution and hatred, for us all to grasp that hand in friendship. I have seen such a place in halls of my mind and will build it with my last breath, if need be. A haven, for all to come together. A comedy troupe and sports complex, staffed entirely by monkeys. There is our future and there is my legacy.”
It took many years and the blood and sweat of many followers, but Thomas Janseen’s dream has become a reality. In honor of the great man who has come to be known as Thomas Janseen Monkey, we present to you T.J. Monkey’s Comedy Extravaganza and Sports Bar Complex. And we promise to get to the whole sports bar thing as soon as possible. And we’re working on buying some monkeys. Until then, we’ll just have to make do with Sean.