I believe the children are the future… hideous alien beings from the future sent to devour our brains! Yes, that’s what I think “the children” are.
- Let’s look at the facts:
- children don’t speak or act like us old people
- children have oversized heads with large boogly eyes, which, if you’ve ever seen Close Encounters, is exactly what them aliens looks like
- children are evil; more evil than even, shudder… Kathy Lee Gifford
- and finally, children exist by devouring the brain matter of humans
Now. To be completely fair here, I can’t emphatically prove that last “fact”, so it gets quotes around it whenever I mention it. Quotes are a literaratory tool used to insert an understood “so-called…” in front of the word you put in quotes. Like up there when I said “the children”, I really meant the so-called… children. And when I refer to that last “fact”, I am actually referring to that last so-called… fact. It exempts me from all legal responsibility from the words in quotes. So, for example, while I could not legally commit murder, I could be quite within the law committing “murder.” Remember this information: it could save your life… save your life from brain-eating children!
Yes, that’s right, I got off-topic, but then got back on-topic. That’s something I’m able to do because children haven’t completely devoured my brain. That’s because every time a child gets too near to me, I enclose my head in a lead sack. No child’ll eat through that! No, sir.
Sometimes I just leave it on. Well, I mean (A) it’s comfortable, (B) it strengthens my neck muscles, and (C) it prevents my sneaky dentist from killing me with his “tooth X-ray.”
I suspect my dentist my be an alien as well.
I suspect that you, also, may be an alien, but I don’t hold you accountable. Plus, since you’re just reading this over the Internet, you’re not a threat to me. Aliens can’t suck your brain by reading your prose over the Internet. Yet.
- What do I suggest?
- if you are an alien, or a child, or an alien child, get away from me and leave our fair planet
- if you are not any of these things, you can stay, but please take off those dirty shoes, I don’t want you tracking mud all over the planet
- if you are me, stop writing this Thought, and go buy more lead-based clothing
Godspeed!