Well, they’re plotting to kill me again.
I thought I had put all this behind me, but then out of the blue the other shoe dropped…literally. They tried to kill me by dropping a shoe from a plane.
I never said they were the smartest assassins.
You may ask:
How do you know they’re trying to kill you?
And I would say:
The other day someone came up to me and said they were going to kill me. That may not seem like a concrete threat because I get that 15 to 20 times during the average day, but coupled with the shoe thing it’s pretty clear.
You may then wonder:
Who are “they”?
My response to that would be:
Um, they’re they. Duh.
And if you had any common courtesy whatsoever, you’d also ask:
How ya doing?
I, of course, would say:
I’m fine except for the fact that they’re trying to kill me.
Then you’d say:
Um, OK. I was actually just being polite. In saying “How ya doing?”, I just meant hello. It’s become a construct of our society; one of the pleasantries we are forced to exchange during our daily interactions. But, if you —
Then I’d interrupt because I’d realize you’re one of them. You’re trying to distract me, so you can kill me.
Of course, now you’re not them… you’re you.
So, where does that leave me?
I think in pretty good shape because, I mean, you I can deal with. They’re tough, but you? You?
Come on.