Good afternoon, ladies and gentelmen and welcome aboard Delta Flight 367 with non-stop service to Boston, Massachusetts – home of the bean!
As we taxi into position on the runway, please pay attention to the flight attendant at the front of the cabin while we take you through a brief safety announcement.
In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion doubles as a floatation device. Simply reach down, lift, and slide your arms through the straps on the underside of the cushion. Then proceed to the emergency exits and listen to the flight attendants instructions.
In the event that after a water landing the passengers manage to float to a deserted island, the passenger seated in seat 15 D has been designated “Leader” of whatever society you may choose to form on your new island home. The “Leader” will be responsible for basic organization of government, class structure, and the first few weeks of survival. If you are seated in the “Leader Seat” and are a minor, and elderly passenger, or not familiar with the works of John Calvin or Thomas Hobbes please ask a flight attendant to reseat you.
Although Delta Airlines takes no responsibility for the development of your island nation, we encourage you to consider a republican form of government in which an individual wielding exectuive power is checked by both a bicameral legislature and an independent judiciary. We do not encourage the use of an Electoral College.
Delta Airlines also encourages the swift formation of an organized economy. Delta recommends the economy be based on supply and demand principles and specialization of industry. Please consult the complimentary copy of Adam Smith’s “Wealth of Nations” in the seat pocket in front of you.
Delta also would like to remind its passengers that in the event one passenger has a pair of glasses they will make a useful fire-starting device. However, Delta would also remind you that if those glasses were to be destroyed it would be considered a symbolic destruction of your society.
As always, we hope you enjoy your flight with Delta and we look forward to serving you again… if you survive.
** Seth Weitberg and Porter Mason contributed to the creation of this thought.