I don’t understand why everyone is so big on Shakespeare.
I mean, what a pathetic body of work for a guy who lived in an age of decadence and luxury in the British Empire. I bet people in his day wanted to kick his ass too. There he was, prancing around in his big collar and tight-fitting Elizabethean pantaloons. How do I know he pranced? Oh, believe me, he’s a prancer. Don’t even get me started.
Let’s just take a look at some of Shakespeare’s great works, shall we? Anyone read this “Julius Caesar”? Way to keep up with the times, Shakes-geek. How about we try to keep things a little more current? Shakespeare must have been so behind the times if he thought people would be interested in the medieval version of the CBS tele-movie of the week. I’ll bet in the Globe they were running adds like this: “Julius Caesar just wanted to invade France and call it a day, but Brutus had other ideas. Ripped from the headlines, ‘Julius Caesar: Betrayal in the Senate!’” Let’s try to keep it a little current Broccoli-Speare! What would people say if I pitched a movie to CBS: “A Presidency in Crisis: The Teapot Dome Scandal.” Ok, so you think I’m not cutting him any slack? That I’m nit-picking?
Ok, let’s take a look at another famous one – “Hamlet.” Guy meets Dad’s ghost, ghost reveals murder plot, guy uses play to hint to muderer what he knows. Great plot, right? Yeah, I thought so too… when I read the ancient Babylonian text “Hallakak Magusocksock” by Habbakuk. That’s right, throw in some deserts and a scheming Mesopotamian or two and you’ve got the same thing. I would hardly call similarities to an obscure Babylonian lost epic nit-picking! Did Shake-and-bake have a single original thought in his head?
Oh, and the dead Dad thing? I think we’ve all seen that the Bill Cosby vehicle “Ghost Dad” showed us it could be done so much better.
Originality? I don’t think so. Let’s take a look at the number of sequels this hack turned out: Henry IV, Henry V, Henry VI! What is this, Friday the 13th? How many times was this Henry guy gonna come back?
So, the next time you head down to the library to pick up some videos and you think you might like to grab a book too, steer clear of the Shakespeare section and pick up something by some quality authors like Danielle Steele or Madonna. You’ll thank me for it.