Before we continue, let’s examine you for a moment, shall we?
You have little in the way of manners and less in the way of good looks.
Your clothing leaves much to be desired. Your shoes are scuffed; your necktie wrinkled. Your left pant leg is tattered and stained and hangs one full inch lower than the left.
Your hair is mussed, and it hangs low on your face, obscuring both your eyes and your dignity. Your face is unshaven: three days unshaven. The worst kind of unshaven.
You’re not well-spoken. You stumble over words and phrases like they were exposed tree roots in the forest. Your high-pitched whine of a voice is at once piercing and forgettable.
Your skin: scaly. Your breath: ungodly. Your nose: long, bumpy, and often dripping with goo.
You, my friend, are no prize.
Now. All that said, let’s go on.
Linda. Do you take this shlub to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Take your time answering.