My subconscious will never be a successful writer or director.
I rarely dream at night. At least I rarely remember any dreams whether or not I have them. If I can’t remember them, it doesn’t really matter whether they happened or not. If a dream falls in the forest and no one remembers it, did I make out with Kate Beckinsale in my mind last night?
Last night I did dream and I did remember it. It was a big one too, a real blockbuster. I’m surprised it wasn’t held back for a summer release. I guess my subconscious will never make it as a studio executive either.
The premise: A large part of the moon had broken off and was hurtling toward the earth. I don’t remember if this was instrumental to the plot, but the piece of moon rock was shaped at least somewhat like some famous piece of art, one with a woman and an outstretched arm. I think information like that is included in dreams just to make the person recounting it later sound like an idiot.
For maximum emotional effect in the face of this epic disaster, the story focuses on the family of Bret Runestad. For some reason, Bret’s cousins are also there. Is it Thanksgiving? Christmas? We don’t yet know. But whatever the reason for celebration, the party is about to be crashed by an unwelcome visitor.
Bret’s cousin Pat walks in from the other room where he has been staring for the last several hours through a telescope. Pat has no sort of scientific training, but he seems to have a take-charge attitude about all of this and so everyone listens and believes him when he makes his pronouncement.
At some point during the night the asteroid will collide with the earth, easily destroying the entire eastern seaboard. We are doomed.
How would Bret and his family react to this news? Panic? Hysterics? Would they take the time to tell each other the things they had always meant to say? Would they concoct an elaborate plan to divert the moon rock’s path? Would Kate Beckinsale arrive to declare her love for Bret and assist them in the rock diverting process?
No. Everybody goes to sleep. In the dream I actually thought through all of the above possibilities and concluded that “Well, there’s really nothing we can do and staying up will only leave us tired and bothered so off to bed we go.” And before we went to bed, we all said something like “Well, bye then, because it seems like I won’t be seeing you in the morning.” And then we went to bed and fell asleep far quicker than we normally do.
So there it is. The first dream I remember in months and it has the worst ending imaginable. I mean, there’s no drama in suddenly waking up to realize that it was only a dream and that I had only been sleeping instead of, well, sleeping.
I guess what I should be thankful for is the fact that my conscious mind is a pretty great comedic writer and that I would never end a Thought without a brilliant and hilarious ending.
And I’m gonna write that ending right after I take this short nap.
Zzzzzzz…
Well, Miss Beckinsale, I’m a huge fan of your work as well…
Zzzzz…