Hmm, I’ve been mulling that title over in my head for a day or two now and to me it always seems like a great book title along the lines of “The Four Keys To Succeeding In Business.” It’s nothing that important though or significant. It just so happens that whenever you see interviews with models they all tell the same three lines and I’m calling them out. So here we go:
- “I wasn’t always this beautiful. In fact, back in school I went through an ugly duckling phase.”
In television interviews this statement is almost always immediately followed by a picture of the model in high school. The model may look uncommonly tall and will of course be wearing the now-awful clothing and hairstyle of that decade, but they will still be hot and I guarantee that their classmates will verify that at that time they were in fact hot. People don’t just turn hot. At best they get plastic surgery and become that kind of fakey hot. Or they just get big boobs.
- “Modeling is really hard work.”
Modeling consists of sitting and standing around and making silly faces at a camera. From about the ages of five to twenty-three, that has been something that I have done quite voluntarily. (Note: I am twenty-three now) At its worst it becomes kind of boring. Well, so are secretarial work, business, banking, and most of the other ways that people make their money. The interesting thing is that only as a model do you make tons of money for only working three days a week while traveling to the most interesting places in the world with at least some level of celebrity status while everyone buys everything for you because, well, you’re really really hot. Plus, Porter just told me that this guy that we know who is a model says that it’s really easy. Case closed.
- “I actually have a lot of trouble with dating because guys are intimidated by me.”
This is the worst model lie, and it’s a statement that should not be tolerated by any incredibly attractive person. If Heidi Klum walks into a bar it’s very possible that nobody will walk up and hit on her. I doubt that, but it’s possible. But the reason for that is that in the silence of all the guys at that bar there is an implied invitation. All Heidi would have to do is walk up to someone and say Yes. And from about that point on that individual would probably be pretty willing to do whatever Heidi says. Man, Heidi. Even her name is hot. Hachi machi…
(Splash of cold water hits Bret’s face)
Yow! Ok, well, I guess what I’m trying to get at here is that being hot is pretty awesome. Nobody wishes they were less hot than they are. And models are the hottest of the hot. So I guess I have a hard time sitting and listening to them say that any aspect of their life is less than great. You know, especially while there are children starving in Africa. (Note: This reminds me that I hate even more seeing models throw away their sandwiches when they’ve only finished half of it, but I guess that’s a Thought for another time and place.)