Hey. I’m glad I ran into you before class. Look, whatever you do, don’t tell Kate that I hooked up with her friend at Pittman’s party last night.
Don’t tell Kate that halfway through the party her friend and I snuck off and locked ourselves in Pittman’s bedroom so that we could make out without being disturbed.
Under no circumstances should you waste any time talking to Kate about how her friend and I then left the party and took a cab to Central Park where we laid there, holding each other while we gazed at the stars.
If you consider me a friend, do me a favor and make no mention of how Kate’s friend and I gazed into each other’s eyes as the sun came up over Manhattan and decided that love at first sight was possible after all.
And please, please, please speak not to Kate of how her friend and I then took a cab to LaGuardia Airport from whence we flew to Las Vegas where we then got married and proceeded to spend the rest of the long weekend consummating our union before returning back to New York City this morning.
There is no reason that you should ever tell Kate about any of what I have just told you.
Because of course none of it ever happened.
I never even caught her friend’s name.
(sigh)
I’m so lonely.