Darn it, it’s a lot later than I thought. I can’t believe I had to wait that long for a stupid subway train to come. Man. It’s gonna be a late night tonight.
Hmm, that being said, this is a pretty good subway car to be on. Look at all the cuties in here! One, two… there are six certifiably beautiful women on this subway car. Yowza! I’m taking the train to Eye-Candy Junction!
Hey, wait a minute…
I think, no, I know I’m the best looking guy in this subway car. I’ve sure got that old guy beat. That hippy guy smells and it’s no contest between me and Mr. Piercing over there. Hunh. I’m the hottest guy on the subway. Female-wise this is a really good looking car. Male-wise, I’m it. Which doesn’t necessarily really mean anything. I’m just the best looking guy on this subway, not the world. Unless…
Unless of course something were to happen! Maybe there’s an explosion and the subway car shoots out of the ground and into the air and lands in the ocean where it drifts safely to a desert island. Then, all of the sudden—whoah mama! The Bretster would be a pretty hot commodity. Zowie. Or maybe, maybe nuclear war breaks out on the surface and all of humanity is killed except for our subway car which happens to end up rolling into a radiation-proof bunker filled with tons of food and other supplies. Oh man, the ladies would sure notice me then! Hachi-machi! Or maybe… Aha! Maybe just this subway car hits a dimensional portal and we’re sent to another dimension devoid of human life and… and….
Whoah! Who’s this guy! Who does he think he is sauntering on here! Hmmm… well, I guess there’s enough ladies to go around, although I don’t like it.
What?! What in the who-hey? Where’s hot turtleneck sweater girl? And where’s cute ponytail girl? Come on cute ponytail girl! At least wait another stop to see if we hit that portal! Sheesh…
Well, there’s still four real pretty ladies here. Ok. Ok. WAIT JUST ONE MINUTE!!! WHO ARE YOU GUYS!?! Did an Abercrombie and Fitch photo-shoot just empty out? Is this an Uptown 1-9 Subway or a taping of the Bachelorette?
Sweet sassy molassey! Charm Bracelet Hottie you are NOT thinking about transferring to the express train! No! Dang it! Where are your going? Gosh darn it! Everybody stop!
“I WAS THE HOTTEST GUY ON THE TRAIN!”
(sigh)
And now I am definitely the most embarrassed.