And this, folks, this is my favorite fossil in the museum. This, folks, is Ambulocetus, which is a fancy Latin way of saying “Walking Whale”. Hey now, folks, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Lay off the stuff, Roddy!” You’re thinking, “Divorce put this guy over the edge! This guy’s off his bedrocker! He’s, pulling the Wooly Mammoth over our eyes!” Hey, y’know folks, I didn’t believe it either first time I learned about it. But there he is, Ambulocetus. Walking Whale. And the divorce is not affecting my work. Why would you think that, folks?
Ambrose, I call him Ambrose, Ambrose lived around 49 million years ago, during the Eocene Epoch, but I don’t think he looks a day over 45 million, do ya’ Ambrose? No spare tire, no receding hairline, like Roddy here. Hee hee. His teeth and skull lead us to the conclusion that he was a land-dwelling ancestor of the modern whale, and his otter-like body lets us know he we equally at home in the sea and the shore, not too unlike my nephew, Adam. Well, I guess my ex-nephew. Hmm. Get that kid near a beach and watch out! He’s in his element. “Hey Uncle Roddy, come in the water, now make a sand castle, now catch this wave, now kick that ball!” That kid’s a whip, let me tell you. Right, Ambrose? He’s met him.
Ambrose lived in what is today Pakistan, on the shores of the ancient Tethys Sea that then separated the European archipelago from Africa and Asia. He was a solitary ambush hunter, and again, we take our clues from Ambrose’s skeletal structure. That big head on him means he probably wasn’t so agile. Sorry, Ambrose buddy, but that huge melon means you’re no Barishnakov! And neither am I, clearly, or a certain smarmy ballroom dance instructor. Hee hee. Seems more likely that Ambrose hid on the shores, grabbing large prey as they took a drink or strolled near the shore on a moonlit evening — similar to a crocodile. I’d loike ta see Steve Irwin wrestle with Ambrose, oy? Git his ahm bit cleah awf!
Tell you one thing, Ambrose would find that bin Laden character lickity split, being in Pakistan and all. That is, if he’s even there and not dead. I don’t know, a lot of conditions would have to be met, but good old Ambrose would get the job done, that much I do know. Wouldn’t you, buddy? We like to get the job done. We’re hard, focused, undistracted workers, aren’t we?
Interesting fact: Ambrose here hears with his jaw rather than his ears. Seriously, folks, I would not make something up so late in the tour. Earlier, though, maybe a lot of that was bunk, like my marriage! Hee hee. No, it wasn’t. The facts, not my… Rod’s no liar. He knows how it feels to be lied to. I do, folks, I do. So, Ambrose hears with his jaw! True! It’s a special feature that evolved on land and was perfected in modern whales for accurately hearing under water. A special hollow fat-packed jaw and an S-shaped bone unique to whales serves to circumvent the problems of hearing under water, and Ambrose here already had it! That’s another reason we know he’s a Walking Whale. A fat-packed jaw. How do you like that Ambrose, something you and my ex-wife have in common!
Ambrose here is a good listener in air, too. He’s been my rock lately, and not just because he’s fossilized! Ahhh. I like to come up here, let Ambrose in on what’s going on. Y’know, in the world, but also in my life. I’m in the middle of a divorce, not sure if I mentioned it. When I’m at work I usually check that stuff with the coat checkers downstairs. Fee free to tip them, folks, they appreciate it. They appreciate courtesy and thoughtfulness. They do.
Sigh
So, on to the next room. Talk to you later Ambrose. I’ll bring the General Foods International Coffee. Over here, folks, you’ll notice the Hyaenodon, an ancient giant hyena, which was the top predator after the extinction of the dinosaurs. With huge jaws and claws, this is a particularly brutal and ugly beast which I call Marjorie…