The following is one of the many fan letters stored in the archives of the pioneering rock band Jumpstart Malady. The letter is crumpled and stained and smells distinctly like urine.
Dear Mr. Edo,
I recently had the experience of accompanying my son Milo to your concert at the Red Rocks Amphitheatre as part of the Gradual Spiral tour. Well, first of all thank you for keeping it clean. I’m always a little worried about what Milo is listening to and although I couldn’t make out all the words that you were singing, there didn’t seem to be anything too offensive. I’ll never understand why you all need to gyrate your pelvises like you do, but oh well, it doesn’t seem like that can be helped.
I’m writing because I feel as though I didn’t necessarily receive the performance that I paid for. I understand that keeping the audience involved is part of the show and that there’s more to a performance than just singing and playing your instruments. Nonetheless, I couldn’t help but notice that on multiple occasions you failed to perform your task, instead holding out your microphone to the crowd.
I suppose it was impressive that a large majority of the crowd knew the lyrics to your songs, but frankly we didn’t pay to hear a large mass of people moan in unison. You’re the singer, so sing. I’m a orthopedic surgeon. I don’t perform an operation 95% of the way through only to wake up the patient and have him stitch up the incision. Likewise, I don’t want to listen to the first three verses of “Running From The Fear” and have you fink out when the song moves up a key for the final chorus.
Now that I mention it, it seemed as though the timing of your “crowd participation moments” often coincided with the higher parts of the songs. I understand that the rigors of touring must be hard on your voice. Nonetheless, I can’t help but feel that if you spend a little less time partying with your buxom groupies and a little more time with a vocal coach, it would be easier for you to perform. God forbid you put any effort into your profession.
Doubtless, Milo will want to see you again the next time you come touring to Colorado, I can only hope that you carry out your job with the professionalism that we deserve when next you return.
Sincerely,
Arthur Pemberton, MD