As I write this now it is 10pm on Saturday, May 17, 2003. Just a few minutes ago I finished one of the great achievements of all time. That’s right; I won seventy-three straight games of the computer Solitaire game FreeCell in a row. I sat down to my computer at 7:02 and opened a game of FreeCell, continuing from a winning streak of seven games the night before. Over the next two hours and fifty-three minutes I won sixty-seven games of FreeCell before finally faltering in game #74. This shattered my previous record which I remember as being somewhere in the high fifties. Ironically, I have achieved this feat years after what many critics considered to be my prime: my freshman and sophomore years of college. The master has returned.
While it is extremely difficult to be humble at a time like this, I do need to issue some thanks as I could not have done this alone.
- To my family: without your undying love and support none of this could have been possible.
- To the makers of Mt. Dew and Mentos: Two hours and fifty-three minutes is a long time to be staring at a computer screen and I never even had dinner today. My hand might be shaking kind of weirdly right now and there’s a strange twitch in my left eyeball, but I still feel like you guys really helped me out tonight.
- To the band Jars of Clay: The 16 song loop of your mp3s, borrowing heavily from your last 2-disc album “From the Studio/From the Stage” was essential.
- To the makers of the Matrix movies: I don’t know why I would yell “See the Matrix!” at myself during times of fierce concentration, but I did, and it helped my work my way out of some real tough jams, particularly around the thirty game mark.
- To the schedulers of Major League Baseball: had the Mets been playing at home today instead of on the road in San Francisco, I would have been at the game and not completing one of the greatest single human achievements the world has ever seen.
- To procrastination: I sat down at my computer to write a thought. Had you not intervened and convinced me to play FreeCell until at least my streak from the night before had ended, a crappy poorly-thought out piece of self-deprecation and silly wordplay would be taking the place of this glorious tribute to a glorious battle between 52 cards and the human brain.
- To the female population of the world: If I was off wasting my time happily dating one of you, it is highly unlikely that this could have been possible. I will be forever in your debt. Perhaps, as a chance to try and pay you back, I could take some of you out to dinner sometime. You know, especially if you’re pretty. Sometimes you can only really properly express thanks through a nice hug. And kissing?
- Last but most certainly not least, to God: Normally, I chastise sports figures and celebrities for thanking You after a win or when receiving an award. Nonetheless, I can’t help but feel that it was important to your divine plan that I complete the streak that I did. It may take me some time to figure out how my streak fits into your plan for the redemption of mankind, but I will do my best to understand why Your hand guided my mouse today.