Attention Americans: you’ve been had!
That’s right. We’ve all been shamfoozled. Ballycaked. Pipplesnowed.
And it makes me sick.
How have we, as a nation, been trimpledanked, you ask? Great question, America. Read on.
I was appalled to read the following text on CNNSI.com (“America’s Choice for Sports News If You’re Already On CNN.com Anyway”) the other day. And…I…quote:
“Despite human rights concerns, Beijing was awarded the 2008 Olympics.”
That’s right! Stop rubbing your eyes in disbelief! You read correctly: Beijing got the freakin’ Olympics.
I mean, the nerve! So that’s it?! Beijing just gets the damn Olympics!?! The other countries don’t even get a shot!? We’re just gonna make ’em the world champions in everything?! This just scumblebants me on so many levels.
First of all, what about all the other athletes? Are they just haddleponged?! I mean, hey, too bad, all you other athletes! Sorry! Thanks for devoting your lives to this one and only pursuit! But Beijing is now champion of all sports! The “International Olympic Committee” has decided to bend you over a table and twammledink your brundel!
And is Beijing even a country?! I mean, it may be, I’m not a geologist, but it may very well not be either. And I think the “International” Olympic Committee should at least check into that sort of thing before they go givin’ away the whole damn store!
What are they even gonna do with all those medals? I mean, I don’t know how many sports are in the Olympics, but it’s at least like twenty or so. And they give out three medals for each sport, and so…well, that’s at least thirty or so medals! I mean, do they need all those medals? Is there like a medal shortage over there in Merry Olde Beijing?
This whole thing just smacks of conspiracy. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some “Big Brother” figure behind the International Olympic “Committee.” I wouldn’t be surprised if it was all some communist sham. In fact, I bet ol’ “Redd China” is behind it! I don’t know what exactly their affiliation with Beijing is, but I’m sure they’re more than just “friends,” if you know what I mean. They’re like the international equivalent of “friends with benifits,” I think.
Anyway, another day, another thousand broken dreams…the whole thing just stinks. So just be aware, America: you’ve once again been had. So speak up. Unless you enjoy having someone gripplefell your dwink until your swankletron stretches to your vood.
I, for one, don’t. Not in my America.