I resolve to…
- stop asking for a spork at any food establishment with waiters.
- stop referring to my bathroom as “The Boom Boom Room” in the presence of females.
- stop visiting the zoo to go and make porpoises feel self-conscious about their weight.
- continue to tell myself that just as their is no “I” in “team,” there certainly is not one in “coup.”
- deliver my own mail.
- get more small children to use the words “jive” and “fresh,” because that would be really cute.
- eat more foods in nugget form.
- win a Golden Globe…well, that’s a joke…..let’s say four Golden Globes.
- continue searching for at least one troll who lives under a bridge.
- visit more neglected states, like West Virginia and Idaho, and sobriety.