How does one go about becoming a henchman? One would assume that most supervillains or aspiring world conquerors are relatively conspicuous, and therefore could not advertise the position. Henchmen could not have been friends with their bosses from early on because anyone who needs a henchman definitely did not have any friends growing up. They spent most of their time playing with Lite Brite. Lite Brite was a sick, sick toy.
Perhaps there is an evil civil service exam where you can get set up for such positions as henchman, destruction laser operator, thug, and toll booth collector. The test would have questions about loyalty and how much you hate cute bunnies and stuff. If you hate cute bunnies, you might already be a henchman and not know it. I wonder if you need a GED to be a henchman. There are some complicated henching activities that might require complicated algebraic knowledge or a working understanding of social studies, such as, "Go three blocks toward downtown and club Batman in the head."
I think Batman had to deal with more henchmen than anyone else. Why did these guys not question working for a giant penguin or other such psycho? And if you commit yourself to a life of henchmanship and go to all the trouble of getting dressed up, going out and finding Batman, and then attacking him, how are you going to go down after one punch? Every henchman seems to be completely debilitated by a single hit. Don’t they ever want to get up and come back at him? There is always the one special henchman who emerges after the others get beat. He usually has big stick or sword or something, and he’s often bigger or scarier than the other henchmen. If he’s not, then he knows karate like a motherfucker. Yet, even he will go down after a couple punches, which usually come in a flashier manner, like getting hit with a light bulb or some glitter in the face.
If you are a kid growing up out there, thinking about what to be when you grow up, being a henchman sucks. Don’t do it, there are more interesting and rewarding activities. Consider working at a craft store or going on welfare. Getting food stamps is much better than eating the leftover fish heads that your crazy penguin boss doesn’t eat. Think about it.