Greetings. I am Sir Chadwick the Bold. Of Devonshire. Who once hath slain the mighty dragon of Rangun! Who once hath ended the tyrannical rule of the evil Prince Nesbit! And who stands before you today…to… (fumbles for note, adjusts his glasses) to congratulate Benny Liebowitz on this the day of his barmitzvah. Mmm, yes, huzzah…(drinks mead)
I remember thirteen, Benny. At thirteen I solved the Ogre’s riddle in the Forest of Doves! I defeated the fire-eating Chimera in the land of Taranfa! And so has young Benny brought pride to his family. He…he… (fumbles for note) received fourth place in the lower Rutland craft fair! That’s…it’s a tough fair, he…parents…should…proud…(drinks mead)
Well, enjoy the sweet taste of victory, young Liebowitz. Savor it. Have thee fun. Make thee mischief. For there are challenges ahead, m’boy. For every castle you storm, there’s a moat to cross! For every chest of gold, there’s a little demon guarding the key! For every fair maiden you rescue, there’s a…serving wench with a lazy eye and a great memory, who said she was eighteen, never…impossi…mmm…(drinks mead)
And so! Young…sire Liebowitz, I congratulate you on this day! Your day! And I thank your parents for their kind demeanor and open bar. Heart. Open heart. And I thank you all…for listening. If any of you need a knight, for a party, I have these flyers…I shouldn’t?…well, just approach me after the…. To Benny! Le-hayim! (drinks mead, passes out, and then, somehow, drinks more mead)