Please, Jerry. Don’t be rude. Don’t give me your opinions on my work.

I don’t come to your work and tell you how to do your job.

Though that’s largely because I don’t really remember what your job is. You talk about it a lot, but you’re dreadfully boring, and my mind wanders.

But rest assured: whatever your job is, you’re doing it poorly, and I bet I’d have some tips on how to improve.

For starters (and this applies regardless of whatever menial task it is you do for a living) you could be a better father to your kids and better husband to your wife.

And better hygiene would certainly improve your workplace performance. There’s the obvious issue of your breath, but more importantly, whatever system you use to wipe yourself needs to be completely overhauled.

Your lingering fecal smell is noticeable to everyone.

In short: you’re incompetent, boring, emotionally vacant and you smell.

So don’t be rude.