I am a simple, modest man.

And when I die, I don’t ask for much. I don’t want my friends and family to trouble themselves with a fancy funeral or wake.

I simply want them to build 10 or 12 tasteful public monuments, spread around the country, celebrating my life and work.

And then I want them to just move on with their lives. To live out their dreams. To not waste time mourning me and shedding tears for me. My time will have passed. I want them to focus on themselves, not me.

So long as they set up a foundation in my name, accepting donations that will pay for the care and upkeep of said monuments. If donations do not cover the total cost of upkeep of said monuments, friends and family will be expected to cover any and all custodial services related to monument care.

But beyond that, once that’s done, I want people to really just… just live their lives. Follow their dreams! Have families! Oh, it would bring me so much joy, to be up in Heaven, knowing that my friends and family are moving on, and helping bring a new generation into this world.

However, if they do have children, I would ask that they please not bring them to the monuments. The last thing we need underneath a statue of me giving God a high-five is a bunch of candy bar wrappers and Pokemon cards. No thank you!

Anyway, that’s my dream. My hope. If that were to come about after my death, just spontaneously, I would be… so happy.

But let’s not talk about death now. For now, I would like you… my friends… my family…

To sign this legally binding contract stating your intention to spontaneously begin construction of the previously mentioned Porter Mason Memorial Monument Series (plans attached) on or about the afternoon of my death. (Or my 33rd birthday, whichever comes first.)

C’mon, guys.

Let’s do this one thing. For me.