Dear God,
Hello, it’s Porter. How are you? I am fine.
This morning, I was taking a shower, when suddenly a ceiling tile and several bricks fell from the ceiling. They fell right next to the toilet, causing a great noise and making a lot of dust.
Now, I was fine, though a little shaken. I still had shampoo in my hair, so I rinsed that out, and then got out of the bathroom. Quickly.
If I had been standing in front of the toilet peeing though, God, I probably would be unable to write to you right now. I mean…that was a pretty heavy ceiling tile, not to mention all the bricks.
So I can only assume this was some sort of message from you God. And the only message I can glean from it is:
Porter, you should spend less time peeing and more time showering.
If this is what you were getting at, message received. Loud and clear. I didn’t even realize I had been spending so much time peeing, but…well, but I mean you’re God, so you know better than I.
Anyway, don’t feel the need to send any additional messages re: this whole showering/peeing thing.
And if you do, consider maybe using a post-it. I don’t usually pay close attention to post-its, but I imagine if the post-it was signed, “from God,” I might give it a second look.
In conclusion: Porter will stop peeing, and start showering more. God will start using post-its, and stop throwing bricks at my head.
Thanks!
P.S. If you could pass this “No Bricks On Porter’s Head” policy on to others, I’d be super grateful. Thanks!