I have cheap teeth.
Sure they look fine, all enamel-ly and stuff, but APPARENTLY, the tooth fairy doesn’t think mine fetch too much on the tooth black-market. Sure, I used to think all was well. I’d lose a tooth now and then. Get a nice nickel for it, smile, and play with the hole in my mouth for a while (an old bullet wound I don’t like to talk about). Then, a new adult tooth would grow in and further complicate my bite, or as my orthodontist likes to call it “Ca-Ching.” Apparently, my smile makes me look Asian.
So I lost a tooth one time, and I walked to school with my shiny new nickel in hand (I lost the other hand to the same cross fire that put the hole in my mouth. As a side note, I got NO money whatsoever for leaving my hand under my pillow so don’t even try). Anyways, I get to school, and there comes my best friend with five bucks for his lost tooth!!
I was the laughing stock (NASDAQ: HA-HA). I had cheap teeth. Some of my friends suggested that perhaps the tooth fairy lived in an archaic land based on the bartering of precious metals where paper money held very little value. Others thought that maybe he didn’t value my teeth much because my parents had low paying jobs. I think the truth was as simple as it sounds. My teeth were cheap.
I am currently in preliminary litigation with the tooth fairy. We plan to settle out of court.