(DONNA is in a wedding dress, her train is being afixed and there are people around, doing various primping things for her. GREG rushes in.)
GREG
Hi! Hello, Donna, is it?
DONNA
Ah…yes. And you are?
GREG
I’m Greg. Greg Anderson. Hi. (they shake hands)
DONNA
Hi…Greg. Look, I’m sort of…busy, here. OK?
GREG
Yes! Yes, I know, look I just wanted to tell you, we met about five years ago. In a bar. In New York. Antarctica. Is the name. Of the bar. We met- actually, we never met, that’s…the thing. We were both there, and I was sort of looking over at you, but trying to do so without you noticing. And you didn’t look back at first, but then you did. You looked over at me, and- any of this ringing a bell?
DONNA
Not really, no.
GREG
That’s OK! So, you looked over toward me, and raised your glass, you had a glass of beer, raised it. But it was empty! It was empty, and I was standing at the bar, and…I just thought, or at least I convinced myself, that you were just, you know, getting the bartender’s attention, you know, to get a drink, another drink. When, ah, in actuality, you weren’t! You weren’t, you were trying to get MY attention, to sort of…make a connection there, and I didn’t see it, I thought, well, the bartender, like I said, but now I see that you were trying to get my attention. Maybe get me to come over and say hi. Anyway, I missed it. I missed what you were trying to do. But I got it. Now. I got it now, and now I’m here. So…hi. I’m Greg.
DONNA
Hi, Greg.
(A pause.)
GREG
So…what’s going on?
DONNA
(sigh) Not much, Greg.
GREG
Cool…cool.
DONNA
Look, Greg, I’m not quite sure…what you’re doing, or what you want ME to do, but I’m kind of…busy today, Greg. OK?
GREG
Yeah! Yes, I see that. So, I’m, well, I’m glad I came now, as opposed to…. What I’m “doing”, I guess, I’m just, well, don’t you see? You were looking at me. In that bar. Five years ago. You’re interested. But I missed it. But I get it, now! So, I’m here. Let’s…well, let’s, I dunno, do whatever it is that happens now. Flirt I guess.
DONNA
Greg, you do see what’s going on here? What I’m doing?
GREG
Well…I can sort of guess that…you’re….
DONNA
Getting married. Today. In two hours. OK? So, I don’t…look, even if I WAS in a bar five years ago and this DID happen, it’s…it doesn’t matter. Nothing happened. Even if it did happen, nothing happened. So…that’s that. OK? That’s how it goes.
GREG
Yes! Yes, that IS how it happens. But…it doesn’t have to be. We can go back, we can-
DONNA
No, no, Greg, no we can’t. Look, I’m really not in the mind to deal with this at the moment, I don’t know what it is you think you saw, or what you think happened, but it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t. Nothing happened, that’s what happened. OK? And I don’t know you. And, ooo, look I don’t want this, this is my day, today, OK? Thank you very much.
A pause.
GREG
All right. I…all right.
DONNA
Thank you.
A pause.
GREG
Can you just tell me, can you just confirm that you were looking at me?
DONNA
I DON’T REMEMBER YOU, GREG.
GREG
But the situation I described, and if I were there, would you have been?
DONNA
I DON’T KNOW.
GREG
All right. All right. OK. Best of luck. Donna. Best of luck. Bye.
DONNA
(sigh)