I’m just not waking up when I need to. I think it’s my alarm clock. It’s just not loud enough, and, though I hear it, it just doesn’t inspire me to get up.
It generally just sort of inspires me to go over to it and turn off the alarm and then go back to sleep.
I’m actually impressed that this machine is able to provoke me into such a specific task. I mean, all it’s designed to do is to make a loud obnoxious noise, forcing me to get out of bed suddenly in surprise, thus waking up.
Instead, it seems to inspire me to achieve a very specific level of consciousness in which I am awake enough to locate the tiny button on the back of my clock and with cat-like agility switch it to the very difficult setting of “OFF.”
I am awake enough to do all that, and yet I am not awake enough to actually get up.
I’ve even put my alarm clock across my room, so that I not only have to work this tiny button, I also have to navigate across the mass of papers, CDs, and books that lay strewn across my floor.
Alas, the alarm clock is able to get me through all that as well. The only conclusion to be drawn is that the alarm clock has some sort of hideous power over my feeble brain.
It used to be better because my alarm clock was only able to make me get up and hit snooze. This is a clumsy matter, and didn’t require much mind control on the part of the clock.
But somehow…it’s grown smarter.
Anyway, I’m helpless to stop it. I’ve become a mindless automaton, my every action at the whim of my horrifying alarm clock master. But what are you gonna do?
I assume soon, the clock will command me to commit more devious acts in my transe-like morning state. I’ll rob a bank. Steal a car. Start a boy band. There’s no telling what terrible deeds await me.
(sigh)
My brain has been turned into goo by my own alarm clock.
I always thought it’d be the TV that’d do it.