People ask me how I live my life so unphased by the turbulent world around me. “What’s your secret, Porter?” Well, I’ll tell you.
Whenever I am in a moral quandary, I always look down to my wrist at a certain bracelet I have. “WWJCD?”, it reads. And that’s all I need to think about. For there lies the answers to all of my questions.
Yes, whenever I am in trouble, I just think to myself, “What would Jon Cryer do?”
And the answer points my ship in the right direction.
Usually the answer is, like, “Go star in ‘Pretty In Pink’ and ‘Superman IV’ and then just sort of hang out for sixteen years or so, taking several small, forgettable roles in a series of small, forgettable movies.”
(sigh) That’s the kind of advice my soul can hold on to.