If everyone will excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.
Huh, isn’t it funny? What I really mean, of course, is that I have to urinate, but the phrase just sounds like I have to merely walk into the bathroom! Like I just need to go in there and take a meeting! I meet all my clients in bathrooms! Ha ha!
So, heh, I guess I should more accurately say, “Excuse me, I need to go urinate and possible move my bowels.”
But I mean there’s another one! I’m describing the process and not the end result, right? I need to move my bowels… so that poop comes out! I’m not just moving them for my health! Ha ha! Or am I?! Ha ha ha!
Ha heh hmm, there it is then, I suppose. “Please excuse me, I need to go into the bathroom, urinate and then move my bowels until poop comes out of me and into the toilet.” I mean, is that such a terrible thing to say? We all do it! I mean, it that such a rude thing to say, really? I don’t think so.
But anyway, I really do have to go, so everyone just sit tight, and then I’ll come back and finish up this eulogy.