If I could really get one message out to America, if I could just tell everyone one thing to improve their lives, it would be: sleep later, America. That’s my message. You all get up really, really early, in general. Sleep later. So, yes, please, readers: spread this message to all of America.
I, myself, don’t sleep that late. But I, ah, I know this dude who does, (a friend of mine from college, David Ogrosky) and he seems to feel great. And he’s unemployed, mind you, so he shouldn’t really feel great. I mean, you would think he’d be worried about the fact that he continues to spend money each month without actually taking in any money. But no, he’s, ah, heh, he’s happy as a clam. I figure it’s the sleep.
Unless maybe he’s doing a lot of drugs. That’s possible. I mean, you don’t know this guy, but trust me, I do, and it’s not out of the question that he’s doing, like, a ton of drugs. Shit.
Well, you know what though, if he is doing drugs, then more power to him, because it doesn’t seem to be affecting his personality adversely in any way. That, in combination, I still say, with the extra sleep seems to be doing wonders for him.
So, yeah, I guess my message for America is, more specifically, sleep later and do a bunch of drugs. Just a whole mess of ’em. Yeah, pass that on. You know, if you just tell one or two people, I guess, and ask them to tell a few, that would be fine.
Also this guy is vegetarian. I don’t know if that’s really a key factor, but damn if Dave doesn’t look healthy, and with all the drugs he’s doing and the complete lack of exercise in his routine, I gotta imagine this vegetarian thing is the magic bullet here as far as that’s concerned.
So, America: sleep late, do drugs, and cut out the meat. All of it. He might even be vegan. I’m not sure. I think I’ve seen him eat cheese. But maybe it was a substitute. So, to be safe, go vegan.
Plus he’s black. So: sleep late, do drugs, go vegan, and be black. I know that last one’s not easy if you’re not already black, but…you know it can’t all be easy right? Am I right? Let’s get in it to win it here people.
So, that’s my one message to send to all of America. So, ah, if everybody could pass that along, that would be…great. Maybe we could write it up into a chain letter type thing, or-
Oh, also, he’s really into trance music.
OK, look, my message to America is: call my friend, David, because he seems to have his stuff together. (917)345-6283. Call him up, see what he’s about, and just do, you know, whatever he’s doing. It’s about 11 pm right now, so he’s up, probably watching “Emeril.” (He watches a lot of FoodTV. Part of the secret maybe? I’d ask.)
So go! Go follow the way of David Ogrosky and become better, happier, healthier people! Long live Ogrosky, the one true savior and role model of the human race!
Good luck, America.
(Also, America, if anyone has any temp work they could throw David’s way he said he’d be “mad grateful.”)